This is just to say

I love you guys. (Damn it, this is embarrassing. ///)

…I’ve always felt awkward about saying this kind of thing, but I’ve been thinking about how much I want a friendship that feels like it’ll last forever. I love how we’re able to just get back into routine when we see each other, despite the many months we don’t see each other, the physical distance, and all those inside jokes with which we have nothing to do. We make new ones,  building more bridges to help us cross the newly formed gaps. (I’m almost tempted to compare it to stitching, but I think that’d scar Jeannie. I’ll leave that to Kim if she ever has to stitch people up. I don’t think that’s something a nurse practitioner does though.)

I’m too much of a coward to easily say that I’d risk my life for our friendship, but I love how comfortable we are around each other, how we can poke fun at each other…albeit sometimes unsuccessfully. (Kim’s very good at topping us all, but vice versa is a no.) I like how worries seem to melt away when we’re talking. I think another part of why I dislike school more than I did in the past is because of how it gets in the way of our making more of these “could-be” moments.

I don’t like the feeling of panic  and dread that returned with the ending of Spring Break. It’s like a reminder of loneliness. I thought I was used to it, but when you get a taste of being with people you’re close to, you realize it’s not  something you ever really get used to. No, it’s about resignation. Like I’ve mentioned to Jeannie, I feel so spoiled by these childhood-long friendships that I don’t think any new bonds can compare. I don’t want convenient friendships; networking is so insincere. I know it’s something that has to be done, but…

Bah, I’m an emotastic sap. ;; I really don’t like talking about these sorts of things because I’m sure it’s easy to solve this. I’m just a coward. Dude, this was supposed to be cheerful entry.

This declaration of platonic love is sponsored by One Piece, topping extraordinaire.

Sigh

I only had about two to three hours of sleep, and this has not been that awesome of a day… Because I spent all my time working on my poetry essay, I didn’t read anything for my other classes. Felt lost in my morning class, but heh, seems like most people didn’t read either, so that wasn’t too bad.

For the next class, I was feeling queasy because I did not eat or drink beforehand because I felt I’d probably throw up from it since I hate presentations. Kind of wanted to just so I’d feel better…

Huh.

Strange how Anthro, the class I thought I’d possibly fail, wound up as an A grade whereas Japanese, the class I thought I’d possibly get an A in due to James being in our group, wound up as a B. Hmm…strange. Well, I wouldn’t have deserved an A anyway, so I’m fine with that. Wonder what my GPA really is though since language labs aren’t transferrable. ^^; It says I have 3.872, but let’s take out the labs and calculate that. Hmm, it’s a 3.868.

Besides that, man, I’m calling PAR today. I hate the phone, but I know I have to do it. I’ll do it after I watch this episode of Capeta. ;~; Good luck, me!

Determination to Change

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything in here. Well, it’s nearly the end of the Spring semester and we’re approaching summer. It’s strange, but I think my mindset has changed just recently, maybe but a few hours or a day ago.

I want to change myself. I’ve been thinking this since Sunday morning. I felt embarrassed by my ignorance. I’m tired of feeling this way. I want to change myself and not have any regrets. I don’t want to waste away when I have only one life. I don’t want that last moment before the “eternal black out” takes over me to be a sad one. I don’t want to be screaming and crying out in sadness.

Contemplation on the Eldery

Why are only white grandparents cool? Well, on TV anyway.

Unrelated: Hmm. How interesting.

When I Grow Up

When I grow up, I hope I’m a cool grandma.

…Provided I ever have children.

Plan(s) pt 1

I like having them categorized, so I didn’t include it with my previous post…which I didn’t write too long ago. Anyway, my plans regarding college…well, I won’t get AP credit until I finish 12 credits, so yeah, I won’t take an English-related course that requires a prerequisite until the next semester. Er, unless I want to take it during winter break. Not sure if I want to speed through a class though. I want to take Japanese and Creative Writing, but both are at night. >_> I’ll do it if I can fulfill these requirements:

a) Obtain license –eh, I’ll have to do that during the school year. My mom said she set an appointment for the written test, so I’ll have to study for real now. XD

b) Lose any fear of driving at night –wait, I don’t think I’d be allowed to drive at night until some months after I get a license. CRAP. Oh well, I’m willing to wait until next year.

c) Ask my parents if a&b are impossible –doubtful this will work. Japanese and CW aren’t even requirements.

Uh…besides that, I might work at the book store during school. Need to look at the application more though. I hope I won’t hate working there, but I’ll be fine if I get used to it (i.e. don’t screw up a lot). It can’t be as bad as my last job. >_>;

At some other time, I’ll yap about transfer ideas. XD

Regrets

Kind of wish I did more with my life.

Probably won’t be any easier to try in university, especially with those millions of other students. XD

Stupidity

I feel kind of stupid because my mom got me out of working. I was ready to accept Saturdays because I really didn’t have much of an excuse. I wonder if this just means my mom loves me that much. XD; That’s nice of her, but I wish I weren’t so weak, that I could just say “I don’t want to work” on my own and without anyone interfering. I wouldn’t mind so much if I were never to see them again, but it seems…well, just weird since I’ll see them for an appointment occasionally. My mom once said that it’d be possible to change dentists, but it seems weird, doesn’t it? Like running away. Meh, I do think it’s logical to quit. If I only worked on every other Saturday, I think I’d get so much deducted that I wouldn’t make anything. XD Besides, I’m limited on my hours because I’d have to get home before a certain time.

Emotastic

I wish I weren’t such a wimp. I wish I didn’t care. Why can’t I ever say what I want?